Chat to ex ahead of generating ideas to trade time with son

My ex and I scarcely get together, and it’s simply because of points like this … I purchased tickets a month in progress to go to a special venue on Friday the 13th with my son. It happens to be on the weekend my son is scheduled to be with his dad. I believed a month would be ample time to protected a trade, but when I requested to trade weekends, his father claimed no. These tickets are nonrefundable! My son is very upset. What is great ex-etiquette?

That was terrible ex-etiquette, and here’s why: It’s not “my” son, it’s “our” son.

When you would like to trade scheduled time with your co-father or mother, check with initial. If they say sure, then go over the particulars of the trade — when will they select up the boy or girl, etc., and then you buy the tickets. You don’t invest in the tickets, check with to trade, obtain out it’s a no, then blame your co-father or mother for becoming unreasonable.

You also really do not explain to the kid about an outing right up until every thing is in position. Telling him prior to Dad giving the Alright disappoints the child and tends to make Dad glimpse like the terrible guy. So you set his father up for failure, and you glimpse like the rock star who was attempting to cooperate and do something special.

If this is how you co-guardian, it is no ponder you and your ex scarcely get together. He possibly feels you are striving to sabotage your son’s time with him. And when that happens, you are going to find that your co-guardian is not keen to negotiate simply because they really feel manipulated and resentful.

In the future, ask Dad 1st and respect it if he declines. You have no thought why he reported no — and it could be for a incredibly excellent explanation. But if you haven’t laid the groundwork to perform together, it’s unlikely you are going to get a “yes” in the close to long run.

My recommendation is to make a decision between yourselves how significantly guide time you will have to have when you want to trade time. In some cases factors occur up at the previous minute, and that’s challenging to forecast, but if you respect every other and stick to your settlement, each of you will be a lot more open to currently being versatile if anything comes up.

Preferably, if you and Dad had been seriously co-parenting and generating decisions in your son’s most effective interests, you would have termed Father up a thirty day period in the past and instructed him you experienced a excellent plan for your son’s weekend with him.

My recommendation at this point is, because you have the tickets, question Dad if he would like to acquire your son. It’s possible he will reimburse you. That’s very good ex-etiquette.


Dr. Jann Blackstone is the creator of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Great Actions After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Reward People, bonusfamilies.com. Column provided by Tribune Information Service.