The dirty dozen – Family life

Last thirty day period, my website attained the grand previous age of 12. I can’t rather imagine it’s been all around for so lengthy – it is a veritable digital antique now – and that I have not acquired bored of it however.

Talking of which, I might ultimately hang up my keyboard in advance of the following classic landmark – even though I have no plans to do so but – so it would make sense to celebrate whilst I’m however going.

And how do you celebrate when you have composed way too quite a few blog posts? With a compilation publish, of class!

More than the yrs, I have covered the grim side of parenting fairly a whole lot so, without the need of even further ado, I give you the soiled dozen.

A man wearing a surgeon-style mask holding a dirty toothpaste lid.

5 gross factors that young children do

I know, I know… how did I only come up with 5? This put up addresses licking toothpaste lids, lacking the rest room and ‘cleaning’ with snot rags.

It also contains a pre-pandemic shot of me sporting a face mask. Perhaps parenting actually prepared me for the very last pair of many years.

Zombie eye!

There are a number of proud firsts we rejoice as dad and mom. 1st measures, laughs and text are always highlights.

This write-up is about my initial kid-induced corneal abrasion and subsequent bout of conjunctivitis. Awwww…

This is likely to push me potty

Ugh. Toilet teaching. I’m glad we’re properly past this grim stage. I still believe it would have been much easier to persuade Ghengis Khan to sit on a potty than it was with oldest.

In addition no one instructed me I was going to have to give a dwell demonstration…

Five techniques my children have made me skanky

Ah, all those attractive early times. When you do not get any rest and inadvertently abandon your individual cleanliness. It is effectively really worth a spot in the filthy dozen.

Here’s how I finished up wanting like a cross amongst Wolverine and Mr Twit.

A swear box

Invasion of the swearing toddler

A different very pleased milestone below: baby’s 1st swear. We have all been there, right? But this was both a bad 1 and my fault.

But, even if I say so myself, there was a fantastic bit of improvisation to shut it down.

That’s effectively unwell

Ah, our first whole-family members unwell bug. It’s amusing how projectile vomiting is actually amusing until eventually you’re on the receiving conclusion of it.

It also served to affirm my thoughts on some modern-day slang currently being relatively questionable.

Mud kitchens: why?

Why on earth did my kids’ key faculty choose to increase a mud kitchen? It was alternatively at odds with its fairly stringent uniform policy.

My children ended up searching like they’d been to Glastonbury and contrary to the well known music, mud is not very good for cooling the blood…

Two cartoon characters with photos of two little boys' faces superimposed on them.

Masters of farts

Any justification to Photoshop my sons as South Park’s Terrance and Phillip. But, to be reasonable, they acquired it. How?

Employing the term ‘poo’ as punctuation, farting on demand and giggling like a pair of minimal children. Which, to be truthful, they have been at the time.

Significant discrepancies between boys and girls? Not in our property

Not to be outdone by her brothers’ exploits before she was on the scene, youngest was swift to show that the so-named distinctions concerning boys and girls are nonsense.

This put up options Frozen’s Queen Elsa on a distinct kind of throne.

A flash-in-the-pan flashback

Spoiler inform: this is another instance of me unintentionally teaching one of the kids a rude phrase. And, no, regardless of getting about Pancake Working day, it was not ‘tosser’.

Other factors of fascination include a massive mess in the kitchen and a modest fire!

A fairytale scene with characters burping and farting and the words 'The Brothers Grim' superimposed.

The Brothers Grim

Okay, this one’s about rest room humour yet again. But I was as well amused by the flatulent fairy tale characters in the most important image to leave it out.

As the title suggests, this one’s about my older two young ones retelling vintage bedtime tales with a faecal twist. Great.

The birds and bees with cuddly toys

Where do infants come from? Indeed, I know you know. But how do you explain to your youthful little ones how the new little one received there?

By natural means, we turned to their cuddly toys. Truly, so did they…

This concludes my exclusive dirty dozen. Thanks for looking through. And sorry.